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Confessions of a (Recovering) People Pleaser: The Burden Barrier

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“Never let them see you cry!

I can’t tell you where I first heard that line-but the idea is pervasive in my life. Do NOT show weakness, EVER. Part of that was because I was a control freak, but the other part was because I was also a people pleaser-ever the mediator & peacekeeper, putting on a strong front for the sake of others.

Transforming People Pleasing into Personal Strength

There was this weird contradiction inside me where I welcomed others emotionally dumping on me & sharing their problems with me-but I could never do the same. My control freak said-stay in control, don’t show weakness; my people pleaser said,” Don’t be a burden!” How many of y’all can relate?

The Fear of Being Dispensable

In hindsight, I can tell that I didn’t feel secure with my relationships like one slip up and everyone would completely disappear from my life. I had to be strong, never be a burden or show any weakness and always be the reliable helper if they were going to stick around- that’s why they were there after all-right?!

Anger, Pain, and Misunderstood Forgiveness

Confessions of a (Recovering) People Pleaser: The Burden Barrier

My heart hurts for the woman I once was. The one who didn’t know her value & worth were always there, who constantly undersold herself and despite her ambitions, tried to stay small and unintrusive so as to not upset others. I’m also angry at her for tolerating so much-for not seeing how amazing she was and how blessed the people in her life were to have such a good, caring friend-even if they didn’t know how to appreciate it.

Skewed Forgiveness and Sweeping Under the Rug

I held a lot of pain and resentment in my heart during that time. Nothing was ever resolved-just swept under the rug to keep the peace, so my idea of forgiveness was pretty skewed too. It wasn’t until much later that I was able to understand that forgiveness isn’t a mental dismissal of the painful consequence of someone’s choices- no it means we have to stop allowing it to impact our current & future choices too in order to really forgive.

Honoring My Past Self with Forgiveness

Being on this healing journey has been a commitment to myself to fully honor, love, trust, and accept myself in ways I couldn’t in the past. Honestly, back then she thought she was doing good- She couldn’t see the flaws in her life strategy or how seemingly innocent words and situations still impacted her choices, so I’ve had to learn to forgive her too-She couldn’t change what she didn’t know was a problem so I’m changing it for her.

Vulnerability as Strength

I figured out that I can still be there for others & that my vulnerability is a hidden strength that can inspire others, and I can be there for them without sacrificing myself. Most importantly- I realized that my worth and value have always been there, and I was the one to decide just how much that was – not others. So I raised my prices. I raised the bar on standards of who I let into my life-and that-is when I finally began to feel secure.

Invitation to Self-Value

So my question to you is-What’s your asking price? What value have you been choosing to allow others to buy into your life? If you let them decide-you’ll always be underselling yourself-just like I did. You can reclaim your value and your life just like I did. Come join me on this healing journey-a commitment to honoring yourself & reclaiming your life.

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Check out the blog post for the beginning of this month’s series here.

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