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Feeling Taken for Granted? The Martyr’s Mistake


Feeling Taken for Granted

Here’s the situation. You have asked over and over again for others to help you out and do XYZ, but no one seems to listen. You feel taken for granted and unrecognized for all the work you do. How do you respond?

Responding to Being Overlooked

Some people would double down, do more, try harder, and almost aggressively increase their workload. It seems counterintuitive, but it happens all the time. I remember a time years ago when I desperately wanted my husband (now ex) to acknowledge me and do something for my birthday. Instead, I got a huge blow-off. A couple of months later, when it was time for his birthday, I went out of my way to get him a gift he would love. I made his favorite meals and did my best to ensure he had a good day. To be honest, it wasn’t done out of the kindness of my heart. It was a resentful, petty attempt to get him to realize the error of his ways, feel guilty about it, and make more of an effort going forward.

The Cycle of Resentment

If you haven’t figured it out yet, it didn’t work. He was completely oblivious. I had tried talking to him about it, tried asking for what I needed, so I thought maybe showing him through my actions might get the message through. It wasn’t just that birthday though. It was housework, attempts to get him involved in meal planning, shopping, and making other decisions that involved the household. All of my attempts left me resentful and frustrated because I felt completely abandoned and ignored.

Person feeling taken for granted

Blaming Yourself

Of course, at first, I blamed myself. It must be my fault. I would make all of these excuses for his behavior and try even harder until I had nothing left of myself to give. I was just a pit of anger and resentment. Back then I didn’t love myself. I didn’t feel worthy or valued. I was trapped in this weird catch-22 where I desperately wanted recognition and praise from others. However, I was toxically humble and dismissed any that I did get. I even told myself that what goes around comes around, to make myself feel better. But it never came back around to me in the way that I wanted. I was acting out of anger and resentment. In hindsight, I can see that more reasons to be angry and resentful were exactly what I got back. That isn’t what I expected during that time. I expected to get more praise and recognition if I put in lots of hard work and effort. But when you do that, others end up taking that for granted. It becomes the expectation, not something notable.

Setting Boundaries

Here’s the thing – what goes around comes around only happens when you hold others accountable and keep up boundaries. To do that, we first have to honor ourselves and our inherent value. Our value doesn’t come from how much we do for others, which is what the modeling martyr believes. Our value exists outside of anything tangible. It’s simply a part of us from the moment we were born. When we interact with others, we set the tone for how much effort and energy they put into the relationship with us. If we are always providing for them without holding them accountable to return that investment, then they aren’t going to. That’s where our boundaries come in.

Finding Peace and Praise

If you are ready to find your peace and finally get the praise you crave, I invite you to work with me. In six months, you will have identified the root issues that created those old problems. You will learn new strategies to bring in more of what you love and begin creating a life filled with peace, praise, and prosperity. What are you waiting for? Schedule here → Schedule your session now!

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