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The truth about inadequacy: Why you feel it and what to do about it.



Aquarius season is about not only embracing but loving the uniqueness and quirks. So what better time to talk about inadequacy vs. wholeness?

Have you ever wondered why so many of us feel inadequate or ‘not enough’? There’s a lot to unpack, but it comes down to two specific points- judgment and tribal acceptance.

The Challenge:

Often the challenge we face when it comes to feeling as if we are enough is how we end up navigating judgment and acceptance. Last week I talked about belonging vs fitting in; this week, I’m diving into what happens when we try to fit in based on others’ judgments of us and why we can’t shake that sense of inadequacy, so make sure you keep following along and check out last week’s videos and articles if needed.

First, it is important to note that judgment always boils down to someone else’s preference which is then projected onto us. It is not yours- and it does not have to be yours.

Our brains develop and learn by cataloging and referencing our past experiences. As children, we tend to seek safety from our loved ones, peers, and other members of our tribe.  This often means that we learn to shape and compare ourselves based on their ideals, values, and expectations. As we move into adulthood, we tend to carry those same ideals, expectations, and judgments which end up holding us back from realizing and accepting our truth.

Aquarius season is about not only embracing but loving the uniqueness and quirks. So what better time to talk about inadequacy vs. wholeness?

We continue this path forward, trying to meet someone else’s standards without stopping to figure out what our own are, in doing so, we whittle ourselves down in hopes of fitting in.

Gaining Clarity:

Imagine your soul (you in your total wholeness as you were created) as a ball or sphere.

Now if you were to imagine the tribally accepted version of you, you would see a 2D square.

For your sphere to model that tribally accepted version, you would have to scrape and shave down a LOT of you. Which is what we do. You may as well be forcefully dragging your sphere across the concrete over and over again trying to form that two-dimensional square- that’s how much work it takes and how uncomfortable and painful it feels.

It’s no wonder we feel inadequate, or not whole because to some degree, we have shaved away massive chunks of our whole self all in the name of fitting in this darn square. Ouch!

After all that work to make yourself into a 2D square, you are left feeling a huge void and sense of not-enoughness—because you are missing so much of yourself! For you to fill in that void, you would need your WHOLE sphere, a tiny sliver of it is not enough. Ironic, isn’t it?

The Deeper Issue:

Then, after we have put in all that work to make ourselves into a 2D square, that void within us starts to drive us mad, so we decide that we need something else to fill the gaps, what do we do? We seek outside resources to fill it.

We try to fill it with distractions of substances, entertainment, and activities- plus other people too. But here is the thing- if you stacked several 2D squares together, you would get a cube, not the sphere that you originally were, so you are still left with some sense of a void within yourself. You can’t win that way.

New Opportunities Presented:

By now you have come to realize just how much you have tried to reshape yourself and that by doing so you leave yourself incomplete and with a lot of yourself missing. So, what can you do about it?

  1. Pay attention to judgments that others place on you, the judgments you place on others, and the judgments that you worry about being placed on you. Those things are wonderful places to start looking for those old lost pieces of yourself.
  2. When you find those judgments and preferences, ask yourself who it belongs to, and if it feels true within your soul.
  3. Notice the traits and qualities that you admire in others and look within to see if those traits are within you as well- or used to be.
  4. If you cut out a part of yourself due to judgment, there’s a good chance that you will be appalled when you see that aspect being expressed in another person. It will probably sound like, “They SHOULDN’T do that!” So really look deeply within yourself.
  5. Start practicing noticing when these types of responses come up and begin questioning them and reflecting on them. Over time, you’ll begin to find those old lost parts and begin to work on accepting them and reintegrating them.

Shifting Perspectives:

When you begin to show up as your whole self, restoring yourself to your original form, you will notice more of the others who are doing the same and have an opportunity to find a new tribe of others who are also whole and complete.

However, just because someone else is a sphere does not always make them part of your tribe. Think of a Ven diagram. Some spheres will overlap with yours more than others, so find the ones that do and start creating the tight-knit tribe that allows you to feel fully accepted as you were created and does not demand that you reduce yourself down again to fit in.

As you do, you will find life to be a lot more pleasant, I promise.

The Choice Ahead:

So, what are you going to do? Are you going to keep whittling away parts of yourself or begin putting in the deep soul work to reclaim those lost pieces and bring yourself back into wholeness?

The choice is yours.

Repairing the damage can be a long, slow process, but it is easier and faster when you have the right support! I invite you to schedule a call with me today. Over 6 months, we can take your leaps forward. During that time, you will learn the skills to integrate your lost pieces, release the pain, beliefs, and judgments, and navigate your life in a state of wholeness, knowing how to hold your boundaries and never reduce yourself to less than ever again.

Set up a call and let’s get started!

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