HomeBlogKarmic PatternsWhat the mind believes, the eyes will see.

What the mind believes, the eyes will see.


With the energy this week being focused on fixation, it feels like a story of confirmation bias is appropriate to go along with it.

Confirmation bias is a cognitive fallacy that our minds fall victim to regularly. We only see what we believe, and immediately discount anything contrary. So let me tell you a story about how this impacted my life, and how overcoming it changed everything.

In 2016 my divorce was finalized and shortly after I started dating again. No matter what I did, I couldn’t seem to find anyone who was looking for an actual committed dating relationship, most just wanted a casual friend with benefits set up. Well— that’s what I thought at least.

As I started working on myself and paying more attention, I realized how I would often interpret different things (things they said or did) as if they weren’t interested. I would get in my head and create these whole storylines telling myself that they just wanted something casual, despite what they would try to tell me. It was during a mercury retrograde a few years later (the classic exes come back timeframe- I know, right!) that the full picture finally fell into place for me. By then I had already done a lot of personal healing and work on myself, so when their chat bubble popped up, I was curious what the universe was bringing me and what there was to learn. I decided to be curious and open and LISTEN to what they were telling me.

I came to find out from the ones that reached out that they were interested, but felt like I was constantly pushing them away and trying to keep things casual myself. As I explored what the retrograde had offered me, I started seeing how I was projecting and acting on my projections, only seeing what I believed at the time, and I believed it because I, myself, was not ready for a commitment— even though I kept telling myself otherwise because it’s what I knew from my past. In those conversations, situations and details were discussed, and I could see the differences between my projected assumptions and pains, and their words and attempts at reassurances. It was an eye-opening experience in so many ways.

My own confirmation bias kept me from seeing and hearing what they were trying to say because my own wounds kept getting in the way. I wasn’t aware of it at the time, consciously, I thought I was in the right and that I wanted something solid— unconsciously, I was running scared and pushing people away, reinforcing a wounded narrative constantly.

We all experience this bias in different ways. It is my hope that in reading this, you might be inspired to look deeper, be curious, and explore more within your relationships- especially if there is a repeating pattern showing up. When we take the time to heal our wounds, the wonder of the world is opened up to us and we are graciously surprised by the alternative realities that we could not then see.

If you would like support on your journey, and you are determined to explore what more life has to offer you, I invite you to schedule a call with me. Sometimes it’s hard to see past our own bias and cognitive fallacies, having someone to guide you can be life-altering. You deserve all the wonder in the world and I am happy to help you find it within yourself. Check out my newest addition, the Collective Karmic Coaching Subscription to help you break those cycles and explore what new possibilities are in store.

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